True Freedom

{Living overseas and celebrating America's Independence Day (July 4) is always a challenge. Life continues as normal here, while I remember what the day was like back home. Stores closed. Family picnics. Kids with dirty knees,  ice cream cone in hand. Crowds gathered late at night, people sitting on the hoods of their cars, viewing displays of fireworks. I remember sitting on my dad's lap, eyes uncontrollably twitching with every loud boom. I am so thankful for the freedom and prosperity I have experienced as an American, and I'm thankful to those who paid the ultimate price. But, as I was thinking about America's freedom and the true freedom of the soul, I woke up this morning and decided to write this poem. Readers always try to figure out the hidden meaning in a poem's rhyming words and rhythm. I'll make it easy for you. This is about the power of forgiveness. For those of you celebrating America's freedom, be reminded to also pursue the truest form of freedom.  Happy 4th of July from Tallinn, Estonia!}


When I was young,
And life was still white,
The anthem was sung,
Bright lights filled the sky.

Smoke billowed, could
Shadow their glare,
Still freedom stood,
You carried me there.

Their thunder would come,
Boom through the sky
Like God beat his drum,
I clinched wide eyes.

You picked up young fear,
You whispered soft peace,
Strength fin’lly near,
Fist clenching ceased.

Days grew to years,
Each fourth was the same.
Firework tears
Colorful flames.

No longer afraid,
Your hand was not near,
My soul on parade,
For someone to sear.

And sear it they did,
Burned deep in soft core.
Smile rose and hid
The pain from raw sore.

I covered it up,
And acted so free,
but pain’s bitter cup
demanded its fee.

I tried to forget,
I tried to forgive.
Trapped in its net,
Daily relive.

I know I am strong.
I thought I was free.
Can’t right the wrong
Tormenting me.

My core has a crack,
So small and unsure
Thin line of black
Can’t find the cure.

Stealing my sleep
Reigning my heart
Too painful to keep
Too buried to part.

Please come again,
I’ll sit on your lap.
Pretend I am ten,
Hear thunder clap.

Whisper the dark
Into soft ears
Kindle the spark
Gone all these years.

Not kind enough
Forget what was done.
Not tough enough
To hug fiery sun.

You quiet my strain
Take hand beaten cold
Press finger to pain
Words soft and bold:

“I know what they did.
I saw your soul split.
Wound so well hid,
Covered with grit.

You think you can run
Ignore tiny crack,
Race fires gun,
Burst on to the track

But pressure will come
With each living stride
Leg becomes numb
Snaps deep inside.

A crack can well mend
Could have raced more!
But this break will end
Your power to soar.”

Looked in His eyes,
Though easy to flee,
Exposed hidden cry;
Crack- first to see.

He kissed ugly scar
Grabbed tired hands
“I’m never too far.
My love like the sand

Fills up the split
In heart and your soul
Don’t ever quit
I will make whole.

Repeat after me.
Utter these words.
Though heart still not free
Pain soon will blur.

‘I forgive and set free
the one undeserved.
I forgive and set free
No longer reserve

Pain covered deep
Inbittered crack
Choose to release
Never take back.’

Whisper these words,
Though heart disbelieves.
Your ache will transfer
I’ll set you free.

Daily recite
Forgive yourself, see
Soul transformed light
Prisoner freed.

Whisper through pain
Whisper through tears
I shatter chain
Return the years.

Now not so young,
Life renewed white,
The anthem was sung,
Bright lights filled sky.

Smoke billowed, could
Shadow their glare,
Still freedom stood,
You carried me there.